On Tuesday I took you through the first 2 days of my labor exprience. Today I want to take you through the rest. We left off on Sunday the 8th where I was full of pitocin, swollen, and no baby.
My parents had come to visit me on Sunday thinking little man would be making his appearance. Now just to fill you in, my parents live 2.5 hours away. They also have a 1 year old dog who is still pretty much puppy and can be quite a bit to handle. Because this labor was unexpected they had no plan for the dog.
On their way up to NY where I live they hit a pretty sizeable rock and had to turn around for the other car. This made their travels even more stressful on top of the dog situation. They would not be able to stay the night and driving another 2.5 hours home on an already stressful day isn't fun.
After my parents left, with promise from everyone that a baby would be born soon and when they came back on Monday they should get to meet their grandson, I was taken off of pitocin for the night so I could get some sleep. I was still not in active labor and was making no progress. I needed sleep.
Monday came and with no progress I was getting very upset. R left to go home for some things and to take care of our cats and I broke down in the bathroom.
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| My bathroom had an enormous whirlpool tub. |
I cried because I was tired.
I cried because I felt like I was failing as a woman to bring my son into the world.
I cried because I felt like no one was listening to me.
I cried because no one could tell me when this would end or how it would end.
I cried because I didn't want to go back on pitocin.
R came back and I had to face him. There was no way to hide that I had been crying for a bit. He was immediately concerned and we discussed why I was upset. He said I needed to tell my midwife how I was feeling and to get an update on my options. I had no birth plan when I came into the hospital due to the surprise, but I will say I did not want a c-section if it was possible to avoid.
At this point I was open to the c-section. I was tired and scared and wanted to meet my little boy. My midwife came in before lunch time and she could see I was upset. I cried while talking to her. She understood my frustrations but felt we should avoid c-section just because it was the easier option.
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| Over the course of 5 days I had 4 IV's inserted. So many bruises. |
I didn't feel like it was the easier option at this point. I was tired. I was emotional. I was on day 3 of no progress. I told her I did not want to be back on the pitocin. I was so swollen from it I could barely bend my legs. She suggested another option. It was a pill and it was known to bring on strong labor quickly. I agreed to try, but if it didn't work, I wanted the c-section.
My parents arrive early afternoon to no baby and an emotional daugher. They fully supported my decision to want a c-section if this method did not work. We were back to the waiting game.
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| My nurse gave this to me as motivation to get little man born. |
The day went on with very little change. The pill could be taken every 4 hours. My midwife advised I should take 2 rounds of it and if no change back to pitocin. I agreed to the 2 rounds but no pitocin. It would of been after midnight when they would have to start it. They let me sleep instead. My parents headed back home again.
Tuesday morning I woke up to contractions. I was FINALLY in active labor and had dilated to 8 cm when checked. My contractions took off right away and I was having strong ones by 6am. It got bad fast. I was in tears when each came on. I was put in the tub to help, but it didn't make a difference. I was in agony.
My midwife ordered my epidural with warning I may have to wait as it was shift change and there were 3 scheduled c-secections that took priority. A miracle happened because the anesthesiologist was still around and came right away to take care of me. He warned it would have to be quick as he had an appointment to get to.
That man was a God send. He got me taken care of quick and painless. I fought through a contraction or 2 when he was working on it, but once it was in it was much, much better.
I was still only at 8 cm so we had to wait to push, but things were finally looking up. My parents arrived for the 3rd day in a row hoping a baby would be born. Today was going to be the day no matter what. If I didn't dilate I was having a c-section.
My nurses came in to do vitals around 1pm and I had a fever. I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time. I could not start to push until the fever was down. I was hooked up to antibiotics which would take around 2 hours before I would know if I could push.
Everyone in the room was beyond frustrated at this point. How much longer could they hold off this delivery?
My antibiotics finished and my fever was down. I was checked again and I was at 10 cm! It was go time before anything else could put this on hold. Everyone cleared out but R, my nurses and my midwife. Let the pushing begin.
This is where it gets even more emotional for me. I am already tearing up thinking about this.
I was pushing and pushing and everything was going good. The baby was moving and we were making progress. Then I started having breathing issues. I was put on oxygen and I was so frustrated I didn't want the mask on. They forced me to keep it on and I was getting more and more tired.
The baby was stuck under my pelvic bone and I was much too tired to be able push him through. A decision had to be made. After 2.5 hours of pushing my midwife had to consult the surgeon on call. He came in and attempted to help get me to relax and get he baby out. No progress.
He told me that this baby needed to come out and he could offer forcep delivery. I didn't even have to think twice and I said yes! Please!
Let me tell you, when you agree to forceps in a time where forceps aren't used much, the room suddenly gets quite busy. My poor parents were in the waiting room right outside of my room. They probably thought I was dying with the amount of people and equipment that rolled into the room. I looked around and I swear there were at least 20 people around me.
The doctor and his crew. The midwife and my nurses. The neonatal crew. People who have never witnessed a forcep delivery. It was insane.
Within minutes of everything being set up, I was pushing and my son was born at 6:14pm. I cried.
I cried for relief.
I cried when I heard my son cry.
I cried because I had given birth without a c-section.
I was not able to see Ben immediately. They wisked him away to the NICU.
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| 1 hour old. Poor kid had so much bruising from the forceps. |
I laid there feeling completely wrecked and fullfilled all at the same time. I had some repairs that needed taken care of and then everyone was gone. For a brief moment I was alone. I laid there trembling. Every inch of my body shook.
R came back in. He needed a moment of his own and had stepped out. He asked if I wanted to see my parents. I honestly didn't know how I felt at that moment. The stress and tiredness over the past 4 days had caught up to me. I was completly drained.
R let me know they had taken Ben to evaluate him and put him on oxygen. I didn't get much but a glimpse of him when he came out. They told me he was doing good and he was a good size for 35 weeks. 6lbs 2oz. My giant preemie.
It took about an hour to recover before they took me to my post partum room. They alerted me that Ben's glucose levels were low and he'd have to nurse immediately. My parents had seen Ben through the window of the NICU but did not get the opportunity to hold him. He came in and they immediately put him skin to skin and we tried to nurse.
We got him stabilized and it was late. My parents had to head home and I needed sleep. R stayed for a bit and I heard him talking to the baby while I dozed off. I heard him say he was afraid he was going to lose us both during delivery. I had a brief reaction but fell asleep.
The next morning I had a parade of people in and out to check me and Ben. His neonatal doctor said he was doing great other than glucose. Both of us were hooked up to IVs which made it hard to move around. When it quieted down I finally got to ask what had happended in delivery that had him scared.
Him and my nurse explained my vitals had dropped to a scary level. They could not do a c-section at my levels and the baby needed to come out. If the doctor on call hadn't been trained in using forceps one or both of us could of died if they attempted c-section. (Lots of emotions typing those words)
Thats a big realization to swallow. I was told because of a steroid shot I received when I was admitted, it caused fluid on my lungs which is what caused the breathing issues. I was also told that I was lucky the doctor who was on call was there as he was the only one in the area who did forcep delivery.
I also started to bleed out. I was literally on the cusp of every issue related to danger during my 4 days of labor and delivery.
I think I was in shock with all of this new information. I continued on doing what I needed to do. Ben had been taken off the monitors and was just on glucose in an IV by end of day Wednesday. I was discharged on Thursday. Both my doctor and midwide discharged me. They still didn't know who's patient I was at this point.
I was doing great they said considering what I had been through. I was im the hospital 5 days at that point, but I wasn't actually going home.
Ben was jaundice and had to stay. He was in light therapy and I settled in to stay a few more days. I left the hospital briedly to go home for a few hours and to compose myself. I was sore and emotional, but it was nice to go home.
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| My cool little dude in his glasses |
Ben was discharged on Saturday the 14th. We were so happy to take our little bundle home. So much love filled me. All of the staff were amazing as we got to know a lot of them with our extended stay. We had to follow up with the pediatrician on Monday to check jaundice levels but that was all we needed to do, or so we thought.
Ben's jaundice levels had spiked and he landed back in the hospital Monday afternoon. We only had to stay 1 night. R stayed with the baby and I got to go home for the night to get a full nights rest. I cried.
I cried because it was my first time alone in a quiet place in over a week.
I cried because my poor baby was in the hospital again.
I cried because people can be bullies and I had to deal with one when my 6 day old was in the hospital.
When we finally went home on Tuesday night and we were officially able to stay home I was relieved.
Labor and delivery can be tough. We all have different stories to tell on how it went. At the end of the day we are all strong resilient women who brought a new life into the world.
I applaud you if you made it through this whole thing. I apoligize on how long it ended up being. I will do a one month follow up post so this doesn't have to be longer than it already is.
Thank you again for taking the time to read my story. I hope if you are expecting it helps you to know that things sometimes don't go as planned. If you had a similiar story or can relate I also hope it helps you know you aren't alone.
I'd love to hear your stories. You can email them to me if you don't feel comfortable putting them here.
Namaste all <3
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