This post has been a long one coming. Blogging has really taken a backseat in my life while I sort through the remains of the the person I was even 6 months ago. Sounds a little dramatic, I know, but I am definitely not the same person I was 6 months ago.

One week back in September really changed my outlook on life and shaped me into a different mindset. I am not sure yet if that can be categorized as a good thing or a bad thing yet, but I want to believe it was mostly good. and

The week of September 10th 2018, 3 major things happened. First, I went into work on Monday and quit my job. It was something that I needed for my own sanity and self care. 2nd I quit pumping/breastfeeding Ben. It was not bringing me any kind of joy and Ben was frustrated so I just stopped. And the last thing that happened, the one thing that is still laying heavy on my heart is the disappearance of my cat Rick.

A lot of change happened at once and it made me feel relief and major stress. I wasn't sure what to do next. I anticipated I would spend more time with Ben and bond with him. I did do those things, but I knew something was missing. I still needed that purpose in life outside of being a mom. I wanted a job. I wanted something to do with my time other then just be a mom.

Some people may call that selfish, and I am sorry if you feel that way, but this was the best choice for me. I didn't really have a plan, but I just started applying for jobs. After about a month of being without a job I was hired. I had no child care plan or anything for Ben. I just prayed that if it was meant to be, it would be.

I have been with my new company for almost 4 months. It has been a learning experience. Ben goes to a home daycare 5 days a week and it is great for him. He interacts with 3 other kids in his age bracket and it has been so rewarding.

I have finally given myself the credit I deserve with my skills. I applied for a job I wouldn't have even considered a year ago. I am the marketing director for my local YMCA and it is amazing. I deserved this job years ago when I doubted myself and only applied for admin positions.

At some point through all of the change, I also felt a little closer to my spiritual self. I was able to meditate and clear my head and feel a little more put together. I completed my Reiki 1 certification and currently am working on Reiki 2. I have found some wonderful teachers to help me on this spiritual journey I'm on.

Ben is a few days away from being 10 months old and he is thriving. He is a happy, spunky little boy. He loves to laugh and blow raspberries and is know for making all the kids at his daycare growl with him. He is saying momma, dadda, and baba. He is just about crawling, but has a mean army crawl. He and Grace have come to a truce and will spend time together without a fight.

This is the year me and R will buy our first home together. We have rented our home the whole time we have lived together and with the expanding of our family when Ben came, it is time for a bigger space.

We plan to take our first family vacation this year. All the kids and grandparents if they want to join us.

2019 is going to be a year of big growth and love. Both for myself as an individual and as a family unit.

I can't wait to share it with you!

So tell me, what big changes have you had in your life recently?

A new year is often a time for new beginnings and resolutions. Some people never make it past the first month of their promises of the new year. This year I decided rather then make a resolution to something I will do this year, I decided to just be okay with who I currently am.

I will always be the girl following her dreams. Sometimes that takes me off the path a bit, but I always seem to find my way back. I want to learn everything I can possibly learn in a lifetime. Sometimes that means learning the hard things. Life things.

I want to continue to strive for being the best me I can be. That means I will often fail and have to pick myself right back up, dust myself off, and keep on moving. Sometimes that can be hard. Sometimes life challenges us to the point where we feel like nothing will ever get better.

So 2019 will be just that. Me, being me. Me learning to love the person I currently am. Me continuing to be the best person I can be.

I have A LOT to tell you. I will be back to tell you soon. This week even :)

Happy middle of the month!

Namaste

"And heal the world with your words", she said. That statement has stood with me for about a week now. I had a Reiki session done with someone I have never met before and she told me part of my journey on this Earth was to heal. She probably saw the state of confusion fall across my face, as I had no idea how I was supposed to do that.

I have never really spoke much about my faith or spirituality here on the blog. I felt called to talk about this today and share a bit of my beliefs and where I have stood most of my life on some of these matters.

I was baptized Catholic as this is what both of my parents were. We were never church goers as a family. We were military and we moved a lot. We didn't have family around and it just seemed easier to not go.

I never quite fit in anywhere we went. I was shy, quiet, and always paying attention to everything around me. I asked my parents once to go to Sunday school (I am not sure what church this was for to this day, I suppose I could ask) with my friends because a bus picked them up and took them to somewhere I assumed was fun.

My mom finally let me go, and friends, I will tell you I was scared to death of what I learned. I heard so much talk about the devil that day, and then was given candy to calm me down. I wasn't quite sure this was the place for me. I was 7 and made my mind up about religion.

As I got older I dabbled in things here and there when it came to religion, but nothing quite stuck. I was always drawn to living a spiritual life. Peaceful and kind. I have always been interested in astrology, tarot cards, and healing stones. I believed in spirits and guides. No one ever told me about these things. I just somehow knew.

When I was in my mid 20's I went on a hunt for a new church. I was going through some hard times and I was drawn to hear about faith. I must of visited 5 or 6 new churches in a 2 month time frame.. None of them seemed to fit. I tried all kinds of denominations.

When I moved away from family and felt alone and stressed I joined a yoga studio. I needed something to get me out of the house and interacting with new people. It is here I truly found my beliefs in faith and spirituality.

Yoga healed me soul. It not only helped my body physically, it helped me mentally and spiritually. I knew this is where I was meant to focus my time. I wanted to honor all souls in my practice. This included humans, animals, and plants. All living things basically.

So back to healing the world. It is said we all have the power to heal. The energy in our body can perform miracles if we let it. We all have gifts we can offer. For me, I have always had a way with listening and with words. Even when I am at my worst, I can still soothe someone with what I have to say.

I was told I needed to keep writing. I needed to keep inspiring. This is how I will heal the world. I honor that but also know once I am ready, yoga will have a big part of how I can help people on need. Maybe it is not just in the poses I offer that help people, but my words. I do not know I want to keep practicing to find out.

Thank you for listening to a little zen between the chaos today my friends. I would love to hear your take on spirituality and what you do and don't believe in. I do not want this to be a place to argue or be unkind to one another. It is a safe space where I truly want you to feel safe talking about this.

Have a wonderful week.

Love, Light, and Namaste,

Oh Hey. Long time no talk. I am sitting here trying to process the past 2 weeks and even I haven't been able to comprehend it yet.

So here's what happened. I quit my job. Let me say that again, mostly for me.. I. Quit. My. Job.

Guys, this has been one of the scariest things I have ever done for myself.

I say for myself because I was sick. My health was failing due to the amounts of stress that was overcoming me on a daily basis. I was caring for my infant son while working 40 hours a week. Think about that for a moment. You bring your 4 month old to work with you. You have to tend to his needs PLUS tend to work needs.

Yeah. Not a pretty picture. It's not easy. Don't ever let someone who works from home and takes care of their kids let you believe it is easy. They may put up a good front, but let me tell you, it is so hard. Make sure you praise those people often and offer help whenever you can. I promise you they will be grateful.

Now I am not a quitter. I don't believe in quitting when it gets hard. But this time it was different. Not only was it hard, but my heart was not in it anymore. That is when I knew it was time to go. My heart was going in another direction.

I wanted to bond with my son, but couldn't because I was tired after tending to his needs and working. When I was done working and R got home, I handed bloob over to him and needed a break. This was not how I pictured raising my son.

I took a leap of faith and invested in me. I followed my heart on this one. And even after ending my job, the weight wasn't instantly gone like I had hoped it would be. Nope. There were are still many things I need to address within myself and my home to make that weight completely lift.

This was a start. This was me finally being brave. That brave moment lead me to another moment of heartache and stress. My cat went missing on my third day not working. My baby boy as I call him. Today is day 13 that he has been missing. I have been all over this neighborhood. I have called him. I have put up flyers. I have set traps. I am at an absolute loss on where he is.

My heart is broken and is trying to find the silver lining. Today I found the strength to write about this mess I have been in. I'm hoping for a better tomorrow. I am praying for the strength to be positive that things will finally work out.

Today is hard. Yesterday was hard. Hoping for an easier tomorrow.

Namaste my friends.

Today I feel like that same college freshman standing in front of my TV in shock. Confused is an understatement. What in the world just happened? What now?

17 years ago on a Tuesday life changed forever. We all woke up same as always. I thought about how much I disliked my history class. Seems ironic now. We all went to bed a different person.

 A war of hatred was brought to life here on US soil. In 17 years I've seen things change so drastically it makes me wonder how it could get any worse. And then it does.

September 11th, 2001 was like something you would see in a movie. Not real life. Not in your own backyard. This is an event that our children learn about in their history classes today.

Children who weren't here to experience it, yet have a large crowd of people at their finger tips who were here that day. Their parents. Their siblings. Their grandparents. Their aunts and uncles. Their teachers.

We can all give them our version of this horrific day.  They are all unique to it's storyteller but the feeling is always the same. Shock.

So today, as I write every year on this day is a reminder. One decision can change the world. In this case, it was a bad decision. One that had major consequences. But it was a decision a group of people thought up and made happen.

It is a reminder that our actions have consequences and outcomes. Some of these things we can never take back once they are done. Some of these things can change everything you ever thought you knew about life.

Make the right choice. Do the right thing. Love one another even if you don't have the same beliefs. See a different perspective. If possible agree to disagree. But don't fight with someone just because they are different. And don't fight with yourself just because you don't think the same as the next person.

Just be kind.

One day you may be in their shoes. You may have thought you'd never be doing what you are, but things changed. That's what happened to me yesterday.

Things changed.

Today I woke up in a new chapter of my life. I made a life changing choice yesterday and today at age 35 I woke up a bit in shock and a little confused just like that 18 year old girl did 17 years ago.The same question stands,

What now?