Pandemic Musings of Self Discovery



What does self discovery mean to you? For me, it means challenges, darkness, and sometimes pain. That doesn't sound so fun does it?

 

Change is messy. Life is messy. The "self" is messy.

 

Some of you may know this already, but I have been on a path of self discovery for quite a few years now. I may not of said it out loud, but you could probably tell by my blogging patterns or style changes. Maybe you didn't notice at all. That just means, I am so good at hiding it, you had no idea.

 

Either way, this morning I saw that quote up there and realized how much I have changed in the past couple of years and that this pandemic has really helped me see some of that.

 

Sometimes we don't know why we started on the path to self discovery, and sometimes we get those 'ah ha' moments along the way. For me, I realized I was looking for something to heal trauma from an abusive relationship. At the time I lived in a city where I knew barely anyone and because of that, I found a yoga studio who was just starting out who accepted me. 


This studio started me on my journey to heal myself. I took many classes and workshops there for a few years and then decided to become a teacher myself. Going through a yoga teacher training changes you. You work a lot on yourself without even realizing it at first. Some people go through the training for themselves and never intend to go on to be a teacher. I was that person. I never thought I would want to teach.


What most people don't realize about these types of journey's is they can often be dark, challenging, and lonely. Some of these lessons I have learned along the way have been some of the hardest moments of my life.

 

I graduated the program a different person and knew I needed to keep on the path of this journey. I decided I wanted to teach. Help others along the way. Shortly after getting my first teaching job, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I became dis-interested in teaching and stopped all together. No biggie. 

 

Fast forward to 5 months after I had my son.  I quit my job. I declared breastfeeding wasn't for me and quit. My cat disappeared. All in the same week. I was beyond devastated and emotional. It was all a part of my self discovery journey. I didn't see that then, but I can see it now. It brought me back on the path.

 

I started practicing yoga again little by little. It had been a year since I last tried. I became certified in Reiki because I loved working with energy. In this time we started looking to buy a house. We bought the first house we looked at (We did look at 3 total) and moved in a year ago. I feel like I manifested this house. That is a story for another day. I live in a log cabin. A real one. It is all wood and I have never felt so grounded in a space. I realized this past fall that I had the best space for a small home yoga studio.

 

The months leading up to the pandemic I was doing some deep self work with a coach. He helped me realize the yoga space and had me face a lot of truths. I began working on my relationships as well. Looking at my own interactions with those around me. Came to the realization I was not happy in my job. 

 

I started a plan of what I wanted to do next. This was years in the making. I had ideas and dreams and it all seemed to be coming in at the same time. I started teaching small classes in my home. I was offering free/donation classes to moms who needed a break. It was an amazing feeling. It was happening.

 

Enter Covid-19.

 

"You need to go home and work there. We can't work in the building. "You can't teach yoga, you can't even be near people." "This is only going to be a few weeks, you can teach again soon." "People are dying, you can't live out your dream anymore, sorry."

 

Everything came to a screeching halt. Wait what? I can't do this anymore? I was just getting started! NOOOO! Now what?

 

This is how journey's go. You never know what is going to happen next. You are never 100% prepared for the road blocks, but you are prepared to deal with them.

 

This is just the roadmap. You never know what you will come up against on the road. I will be writing more about what I have learned and what I am doing now to keep going with what I am after. My dream.


I will say, even with all of the crazy going on, I am proud of myself for doing the work. I am so happy I get to share it with all of you. This got long pretty quick, so stay tuned for more of what I learned and what I am working on next on my journey.

 

I appreciate you reading.


Namaste.

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My Yoga Space

Everything right now is pretty virtual. We are adapting to what is available to us to keep our businesses and our sanity alive. One thing that has exploded in the past weeks is online fitness classes. Yoga is included in those classes.

Last year we bought a house. Before we really started seriously looking I joked it had to have a space for a yoga studio. My husband always just laughed at me. I think he knew deep down I was serious, but he humored me anyways.

When we got down to it, I forgot about the yoga thing because we needed to find a house. We told our landlords we would not be renewing our lease. We looked a several houses and put in an offer pretty quickly. We got that house. We moved in over the summer of 2019.

One evening in October it hit me. This house has a yoga studio! The house has a finished basement that has exits into our garage. There is an entrance to the outside world. This could work.

The basement before we moved in
Over the past several months I have worked on building it up as a space that works. I was inspired by a paint color called Mosque Blue. I painted one wall. I cleaned out all the clutter and agreed that the space could be a multi-use space. It is my yoga studio and a family room. It has been working out  pretty well.

After we moved in. Not too bad, but cluttered. 
I taught a couple of classes in the space before Coronavirus took us by storm. Now I look at my hard work and wonder what to do now. It is time to join the world and offer virtual online classes. It had always been a plan of mine to do. I have lots of friends and family all over the world who want to take my classes. This situation pushes that plan quicker then I thought, but not out of the question.

The mostly finished space.
Below is the entry way with places to hang coats and the entry way into the room 


I am currently working on streaming classes to my Facebook group: Refresh. If you want to join in please send a request to join. It is a space just for women where we can support one another in wellness, mental health and overall support in this challenging time.

I was struggling to keep up with everything I had planned, but this week I was furloughed from my job so I will have more time. I did take on doing another 200 hour yoga training this week. It is virtual and with the same studio I took my in person 200 teacher training back in 2017. This training is a great refresher and is focusing on some virtual training tips which is great for the current situation.

That being said, I am proud of the space I built and I hope you enjoy the photos and will join me in some classes in the group. Maybe give some inspiration to turn a room into some form of multi-purpose space that works for you and your family.

Have a wonderful day! Namaste.
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Pine Tree Tea and Vitamin C

Vitamin C is a hot topic these days. Many people look to vitamin C to keep them healthy during the cold and flu season. What is your go to source to get your vitamin C?


I used to be a huge Emergen-C drinker many years ago. I stocked it like crazy, and it actually seemed to help me not get sick. One of the first things I asked my husband to get when everyone was panic shopping was a box of it because I left mine at work and didn't know when I would be back to get it. It actually took him a few stores to find it. 

While I was waiting for Emergen-C to be found, I started eating oranges. There was one lone bag left at the grocery store, so I figured I might as well go straight to the source. I found I loved the orange but also forgot that citrus can give me little breakouts around my mouth. Not my favorite thing to deal with.

That's when I remembered another natural source of vitamin C. Pine needles. Did you know that some pine needles have 5X more vitamin c than an orange? It is also full of vitamin A. I use White Pine in my tea, but many pine species are good to use. Do your own research on your pine before doing this as there are a few variations of pine that are poisonous. Pine needles are not recommended for women who are pregnant.



So how do you make this tea? It is SUPER simple. All you need is a handful of needles pulled form the branch and boiling water.  You chop the needles up into smaller chunks and pour the boiling water over them. Let them steep for 20 minutes covered. I place a bowl over my cup to keep the steam in. Using a mason jar with a lid is also useful.

Once your tea is brewed you can drink it as is, or add some raw honey. I drink it both ways depending how I feel, but the honey does seem to enhance the pine flavor, so be aware of that.



I drink at least one cup of this everyday. It makes me feel good. It is a little weird at first, but it is for your health right? Let me know if you try this out and what your thoughts are!

Namaste!

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Books I'm Reading During Quarantine

I have officially made it 2 weeks in my house without going crazy. That should entitle me to a medal right? Just kidding. But seriously, it wasn't as hard as may people told me it would be. I say it that way because I am already an introvert with a full-time job and a toddler. I don't get out much outside of my job. Also this time of year I tend to work from home more often due to my little guy being sick with a cold or something. So far this still feels normal to me.

I do have to admit there are some things that are keeping me sane. I started reading again. I had really started to cut back on reading once Ben was born. Who had time? Now I have a stack of books, both physically and digitally, I have been wanting to read, so might as well start right?


Most of my books have a yoga theme. I kind of went overboard when I realized it could be awhile before I could leave my house. I ordered 4 books and all 4 were yoga related. 2 were actual novels and 2 were non-fiction. Needless to say, if yoga interests you, I got you covered. Here is my stack of books for quarantine so far:
  1. Yoga Bitch - Suzanne Morrison (Currently Reading)
  2. Poser: My Life in Twenty-three Yoga Poses - Claire Dederer
  3. Perfectly Imperfect - Baron Baptiste
  4. Meditations from the Mat - Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
  5. The Gifts of Imperfection - Brene Brown (Started reading a few months ago. Never finished)
  6. Dare to Lead - Brene Brown (Started reading over a year ago. Never finished) - Digital copy
  7. American Royals - Katharine McGee (Currently Reading) - Digital copy
So I have 7 books I strive to get through during this time. I started reading 2 of these. One is a library digital copy so I have to read it before they take it away. The other was from my yoga haul. Two books on this list I have wanted to read and even started but never found time. I will finish them after the 2 I am currently reading.

I never did set a reading goal on Goodreads this year because I haven't had much success. Last night I set my goal to 25. I think it is a fair number for the year. We shall see where I end up. Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to curl up in my rocking chair and get to that list. 

What are you reading during quarantine?

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The Meaning of September

I woke up this morning and instantly opened Facebook. This is nothing new I do that every morning. What stuck out to me today was a Facebook memory from 2 years ago that seems to fit perfectly with what's going on today. The quote is
"Ships don't sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down."
It reminded me of the journey I started so long ago right here on this blog. I got on here everyday and I worked on something that was personal to me. I let this be my saving grace when the world around me felt like it was crumbling.

The last time I wrote here it was Friday the 13th.. in September of 2019. Funny thing is, I haven't left my house since Friday the 13th.. in March. I was sent home that day because I had a cough. The beginning of the Coronavirus here in NY. When things started to really become a reality that we were in a very scary time.

The only thing I could think of to help in these uncertain times was to help keep people grounded. I started my spiritual journey back in 2016 when I signed up for my 200 hour yoga teacher training. People told me going through that training changes you. It is such a personal journey within, that no matter if you decide to teach or not, you are a better person because of it. You can help guide people to a place that is more calm in a time of chaos.

I fully intended to do that and never thought I would teach. What changed in me is I got pregnant shortly after graduating in 2017. I did teach the poses and I really did love it. I got pregnant and I got tired. I didn't want to teach anymore. I got further and further away from the poses and more involved in the spiritual side of it.

Fast forward to now. A lot of change had happened for me since I took that training. I was very recently married (September 2016) when I started. I got pregnant right after and gave birth to my son 5 weeks early (April 2018). I struggled immensely with breastfeeding, thus having a tough time bonding with my son. I gave up breastfeeding and my job (September 2018). I took on a new job a month after quitting my job, a leadership position that I never thought I would get. I struggled with my weight, balancing work/mom life and being a leader in my community. I applied for a leadership program in my county and was accepted (September 2019).

It was when I got accepted into that leadership program that I realized I was worth it. I began to seek out someone to speak to. I wasn't looking for a therapist per say, but I was looking for someone to unload some of the hard things on and talk through them and see them in a different light. That is when I found my spiritual mentor. In October 2019 I had my first session. I went through 12 weeks of 2 hour sessions each week discussing things in my life that brought me hurt, brought me knowledge and clarity. I deeply looked at relationships, specifically ones that did not bring me joy. I was able to identify why those people were in my life and what they were teaching me.

I learned so much, but most importantly it brought me back to yoga. All of yoga. The poses. The guidance. The ability to talk to people in a time of uncertainty. It inspired me to work on my own studio in my basement. I started teaching again. Both in my own studio and out in the community. I don't believe in coincidence. This all lead me to now.

It all lead me to what is happening in our world today. I finished my program with my spiritual mentor just 1 week before things started to get really bad in New York. I have felt called to help those who need it. I am now offering support and daily offerings in a group I created for women. Join me if you feel called. I feel like I finally found my purpose in life.

I felt like someone needed to hear this today. Namaste friends.


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