Do you often find yourself doing something because someone else is doing it? Does it feel fulfilling to you? I often find myself doing these things and wondering why I thought it was for me. I mean we all have our moments when we have to jump on the bandwagon for one reason of another. Maybe it will bring us more attention. Maybe we think it will fix something in our lives. Maybe it is just as simple as "well, so and so is doing it and she seems to like it so I am going to do it too".
I can see this pattern in myself just by looking at my past blog posts. When I first starting blogging I did it for me. I had a purpose to start. I had never really read a blog in my life. Not one I followed regularly at least. I started my blog as a way to showcase something I had interest in. It was the right reason to start a blog in my eyes.
As time went on I could see the changes I had made. They stuck out like a sore thumb. I had jumped on one trend or another to stay in the game. I made the decision that I wanted to be popular. I wanted thousands and thousands of people to read my blog daily.
In reality when I started doing what everyone else was doing, my blog didn't do as well. I didn't see the numbers as I had when I was writing with my purpose. I didn't see many comments. The traffic was slowing dramatically. This was
not what I had envisioned when I decided to up my game.
But was I really upping my game? Why didn't I feel empowered? I thought I was writing what everyone wanted to read. Then it hit me. I had focused on what everyone else was doing that I was not putting any heart or purpose into what I was writing. I didn't find much enthusiasm in my writing anymore. I was even bored reading some of my posts.
When I look back at 2015, it was when I really started making some of these changes. I also recognize 2015 as a shitty year as a whole at the moment. I realize now that there was a lot of transition going on in my life. A lot of change. It makes things rough. They always say hindsight is 20/20 right? I can see it all clearly now.
I have decided I need to make changes again. But this time the changes are to fit more comfortably in my life currently. I want to be able to find the me I am meant to be rather than continue to look back at the person I was 5 years ago or even 10 years ago. We need to all learn to live in the present and make things better moving forward, rather than continuing to look back.
Be a better person. Be a better blogger. Find the you. you want to be.
