Showing posts with label fathers day. Show all posts

I'm no Daddy's girl

Father's day was yesterday and it always seems bittersweet to me. You see me and my dad never had a good relationship when I was a child. I have never been a daddy's girl. I don't dream of the day my dad will walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. It's not because I don't love him, it's just not how our relationship works.

My dad has never been big on showing emotion. This is hard when you are a little girl. I had a younger brother, and it seemed at the time, like he showed him more affection. Today I would have a different response to how my father treated my brother verses how he treated me. Now I see that he treated my brother as the baby he was, and me as the responsible bigger sister that I was. At the time it was hard. I did not feel like he loved me, like he loved him. I spent many years in denial, thinking I was not good enough. I did everything I could to make him and everyone else see how good I was. I got good grades, went to college and got a job.

Today I share a better relationship with my dad. I still may not be a daddy's girl, but I know my dad loves me and has respect for me. He respects all of my accomplishments and makes me feel like it was all worth it. I learned how to take care of myself and that is a gift. This is not saying he does not help me now. He would be there to help in anyway he could if something were to happen.

I enjoy having a relationship with my dad as an adult. We are able to talk and sometimes it even makes sense. That may again sound weird, but my dad is not a talker. He doesn't like to show his emotions, or talk about his feelings. When I have an accomplished conversation with him, it most likely was something to do with music or the weather. But again, that's good for me and my dad. It works.

Would I change the way me and my dad are now? Absolutely not. I like where we have come, and where we are headed. We spent Father's Day together, and even though it wasn't as traditional as some, we had a good time. I hope everyone else out there enjoyed some special moments with their father's and will cherish them all.