Friday, August 18, 2017

The day I coudn't find my breath

The air became so insufferable, I could hardly breathe. My chest was tightening and I felt like I was losing control. Time stopped and I could not get a grip on reality. The moment lasted a lifetime. My focus zeroed in on death. Why death? Why was your name attached to the word death?

It became silent. Was I just punched in the stomach or was I shot? I couldn't tell. I should probably seek medical attention. I must be severely wounded. Where am I? Everything is different now.

That's when I felt it. The tears streaming down my face like a warm summers rain. I felt comforted and like I was drowning all at the same time. The warm tears flowed down my face as I became aware of my surroundings again.

You are gone. How is that even possible? You were just here yesterday showing us what a bad ass leader you were! You were radiant as the confidence flowed off your body. I couldn't see you, but I could hear it in your voice. You spoke with such ease.

Today my eyes are swollen. The tears continue to come. How could someone so young, compassionate, funny, amazing, be gone so soon? You had a life time ahead of you. You had many more speeches to make. You had so many more peoples lives to touch.

This was Allie every single day. Kindness.

Your last month of life was challenging for you, but you took it with a grain of salt. You smiled. You laughed. You joked about your bad luck. But no one could see this one coming. How could we? The universe played one not so funny joke on us. They made a mistake.

We were supposed to get together next month and have that drink that reminded us of paradise as we sat outside on the patio, laughing about work, life, and anything else that came up. We were all supposed to be there.

Sweet gentle soul, you have impacted my life more than you could know. I hope I told you daily how much I appreciated every thing you did for me. I have 10 minutes before I need to be to work and I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can sign in knowing you won't be there to tell me some funny story about your cat, or how diet chocolate shakes aren't really food at all.

Please God, the universe, my angels above, give me the strength to get through this horrible time. As I stare through these swollen eyes and breath through this stuffy nose, remind me and everyone else that life is so damn precious. We all get in these places where we don't feel like we are enough.

Allie reminded me daily that I was enough. She reminded me that even on my worst days that I could do this. Today at work her presence is unknown. But today I know she is sitting with me holding my hand, reminding me that I could do this. Reminding me that she believed in me.

7 months was not long enough for this friendship. 27 years was not enough for her life.

Rest easy my beautiful friend. Your soul will forever be in my heart.

Namaste.

**I do not own the photo I posted above. Through tears I saved this because it reminded me of my dear friend. If this is yours, thank you for making this. It truly speaks volumes for the beautiful soul we lost.**



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