I have officially made it 2 weeks in my house without going crazy. That should entitle me to a medal right? Just kidding. But seriously, it wasn't as hard as may people told me it would be. I say it that way because I am already an introvert with a full-time job and a toddler. I don't get out much outside of my job. Also this time of year I tend to work from home more often due to my little guy being sick with a cold or something. So far this still feels normal to me.

I do have to admit there are some things that are keeping me sane. I started reading again. I had really started to cut back on reading once Ben was born. Who had time? Now I have a stack of books, both physically and digitally, I have been wanting to read, so might as well start right?

Most of my books have a yoga theme. I kind of went overboard when I realized it could be awhile before I could leave my house. I ordered 4 books and all 4 were yoga related. 2 were actual novels and 2 were non-fiction. Needless to say, if yoga interests you, I got you covered. Here is my stack of books for quarantine so far:

1. Yoga Bitch - Suzanne Morrison (Currently Reading)
2. Poser: My Life in Twenty-three Yoga Poses - Claire Dederer
3. Perfectly Imperfect - Baron Baptiste
4. Meditations from the Mat - Rolf Gates and Katrina Kenison
5. The Gifts of Imperfection - Brene Brown (Started reading a few months ago. Never finished)
6. Dare to Lead - Brene Brown (Started reading over a year ago. Never finished) - Digital copy
7. American Royals - Katharine McGee (Currently Reading) - Digital copy

I woke up this morning and instantly opened Facebook. This is nothing new I do that every morning. What stuck out to me today was a Facebook memory from 2 years ago that seems to fit perfectly with what's going on today. The quote is

"Ships don't sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down."

It reminded me of the journey I started so long ago right here on this blog. I got on here everyday and I worked on something that was personal to me. I let this be my saving grace when the world around me felt like it was crumbling.

The last time I wrote here it was Friday the 13th.. in September of 2019. Funny thing is, I haven't left my house since Friday the 13th.. in March. I was sent home that day because I had a cough. The beginning of the Coronavirus here in NY. When things started to really become a reality that we were in a very scary time.

The only thing I could think of to help in these uncertain times was to help keep people grounded. I started my spiritual journey back in 2016 when I signed up for my 200 hour yoga teacher training. People told me going through that training changes you. It is such a personal journey within, that no matter if you decide to teach or not, you are a better person because of it. You can help guide people to a place that is more calm in a time of chaos.

I fully intended to do that and never thought I would teach. What changed in me is I got pregnant shortly after graduating in 2017. I did teach the poses and I really did love it. I got pregnant and I got tired. I didn't want to teach anymore. I got further and further away from the poses and more involved in the spiritual side of it.

Fast forward to now. A lot of change had happened for me since I took that training. I was very recently married (September 2016) when I started. I got pregnant right after and gave birth to my son 5 weeks early (April 2018). I struggled immensely with breastfeeding, thus having a tough time bonding with my son. I gave up breastfeeding and my job (September 2018). I took on a new job a month after quitting my job, a leadership position that I never thought I would get. I struggled with my weight, balancing work/mom life and being a leader in my community. I applied for a leadership program in my county and was accepted (September 2019).

It was when I got accepted into that leadership program that I realized I was worth it. I began to seek out someone to speak to. I wasn't looking for a therapist per say, but I was looking for someone to unload some of the hard things on and talk through them and see them in a different light. That is when I found my spiritual mentor. In October 2019 I had my first session. I went through 12 weeks of 2 hour sessions each week discussing things in my life that brought me hurt, brought me knowledge and clarity. I deeply looked at relationships, specifically ones that did not bring me joy. I was able to identify why those people were in my life and what they were teaching me.

I learned so much, but most importantly it brought me back to yoga. All of yoga. The poses. The guidance. The ability to talk to people in a time of uncertainty. It inspired me to work on my own studio in my basement. I started teaching again. Both in my own studio and out in the community. I don't believe in coincidence. This all lead me to now.

It all lead me to what is happening in our world today. I finished my program with my spiritual mentor just 1 week before things started to get really bad in New York. I have felt called to help those who need it. I am now offering support and daily offerings in a group I created for women. Join me if you feel called. I feel like I finally found my purpose in life.

I felt like someone needed to hear this today. Namaste friends.

Whew! Where in the world did the spring and summer go?! Seriously guys, it has been a whirlwind of life. If you recall, those of you who are still here, back in April I announced we were in the process of buying a house. Our closing process took waaaay longer than we had anticipated so we got to do the couple of projects, like painting in the middle of July when it was hotter then hell outside.

Let me tell you, I am NOT a fan. Also we had no fans while doing this so I just wanted to melt away forever. Good news, our house is a log cabin. Most walls are wood, so no painting those. A silver lining for sure.

So anyways, hot mess aside, we moved in the hottest time of year and I am just now starting to feel like a normal human being again. The weather is even cooler now. I can see less boxes crowding my living space, and maybe by the time I post this I will have a desk and space set up again for blogging.

But seriously, if you ever want to find yourself, challenge yourself, lose yourself and doubt yourself.. you should buy a house, chase a toddler while trying to unpack and organize, never take a day off from work, and question everything. I'm telling you, it's enough to make you a born again human, or make you a hot mess. Depends on who you ask.

Also you should make sure you stop from time to time to remember the good things that happened in those long challenging times.

So what has happened since my last post?

Ben turned 1 (I can't believe it either).
I was scouted to be on a local board of directors for a fabulous organization.
I've grown in my career.
I've met some amazing new friends.
I'm growing every day as a human being. Learning to take care of myself first.
Went on a weekend retreat alone and met some great women.
Applied for a leadership program that I have dreamed of doing for years (Still waiting to hear back on that one).
Kept a porch garden alive, even through the move!
Put together a plan for a fall fitness exercise program.

And I can say after all of the crazy that was my life, I and standing here today telling you about it. I am proof you can find the zen between the chaos folks.

Now if I can just survive this full moon on Friday the 13th thing, I'll be golden!

Fall is coming. Let the adventures begin!