Monday, June 16, 2014

I'm no Daddy's girl

Father's day was yesterday and it always seems bittersweet to me. You see me and my dad never had a good relationship when I was a child. I have never been a daddy's girl. I don't dream of the day my dad will walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. It's not because I don't love him, it's just not how our relationship works.

My dad has never been big on showing emotion. This is hard when you are a little girl. I had a younger brother, and it seemed at the time, like he showed him more affection. Today I would have a different response to how my father treated my brother verses how he treated me. Now I see that he treated my brother as the baby he was, and me as the responsible bigger sister that I was. At the time it was hard. I did not feel like he loved me, like he loved him. I spent many years in denial, thinking I was not good enough. I did everything I could to make him and everyone else see how good I was. I got good grades, went to college and got a job.

Today I share a better relationship with my dad. I still may not be a daddy's girl, but I know my dad loves me and has respect for me. He respects all of my accomplishments and makes me feel like it was all worth it. I learned how to take care of myself and that is a gift. This is not saying he does not help me now. He would be there to help in anyway he could if something were to happen.

I enjoy having a relationship with my dad as an adult. We are able to talk and sometimes it even makes sense. That may again sound weird, but my dad is not a talker. He doesn't like to show his emotions, or talk about his feelings. When I have an accomplished conversation with him, it most likely was something to do with music or the weather. But again, that's good for me and my dad. It works.

Would I change the way me and my dad are now? Absolutely not. I like where we have come, and where we are headed. We spent Father's Day together, and even though it wasn't as traditional as some, we had a good time. I hope everyone else out there enjoyed some special moments with their father's and will cherish them all.



2 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean. Sounds so much like my dad and me. I see other girls with these awesome relationships with their dads, and I'm like "Yup, not me." I love my dad, and he loves me... but he's definitely closer with the boys than he is with me. I think part of it is because I'm the only girl, and when my mom died, it made it even more difficult. But as an adult, it's gotten better. I think guys in general just have a harder time showing how they feel, and I guess that's okay. But you're right - when you're a little girl, it's tough to get that!

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    1. I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way. It is so tough to see all the girls out there with awesome relationships. Maybe by the time I get married I will feel comfortable enough to have that dance and make it not so awkward. Only time will tell!

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